


Things You Said (Egoist)

by Larkawolfgirl



Series: Things You Said [1]
Category: Junjou Romantica
Genre: Adoption, Blow Jobs in a Car, Christmas, Drunkenness, Family, Fluff and Angst, Love, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Mild Sexual Content, Separations, Talking, Vacation, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-19
Updated: 2016-02-03
Packaged: 2018-03-23 09:58:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 11,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3763840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Larkawolfgirl/pseuds/Larkawolfgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Short oneshots written for the things you said prompts.  Spans from soon after Nowaki and Hiroki first got to together to them marrying and adopting a son.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 3.	Things You Said Too Quietly

**Author's Note:**

> Full prompt list can be found here:  
> http://faleronofkingsreach.tumblr.com/post/116777210431/send-me-a-ship-and-one-of-these-and-ill-write-a
> 
> I have reordered the chapters to be more chronological.

When Nowaki first seduced Hiroki he said it didn’t matter if Hiroki came to love him in return. It was enough to make the one he loved happy, to please him. But of course it did matter. Nowaki had always been a giver, but little in his life had given back. Maybe this was why it seemed so natural to give to Hiroki without expectation; the expectation was there all the same. He spoke his love easily, shuddering from it each night, gasping it in tones only for the elder man’s ears.

The man protested his closeness, his obsession. It was too hot, too busy, too annoying, he would say. Nowaki would smile that contented grin, but inside his chest would ache.

Having Hiroki was beyond his dreams, but being loved would be paradise.

Nowaki’s first hint was when Hiroki offered to pleasure him. Naturally, he declined, “Oh no, Hiro-san. I couldn’t ask you to do that,” but the man wouldn’t take no for an answer. Watching the pink tint on his cheeks, the endearing distortions of his face, and hearing the satisfied grunts told Nowaki that Hiroki was actually enjoying himself. Hiroki was enjoying pleasuring him.

Nowaki was in shock. He paid closer attention to the man, noticing other small hints such as him ironing his clothes when he wasn’t around, giving him shy morning kisses, and more sexual exploration. It was as if Hiroki was opening up to him, slowly.

Finally, one morning when he turned around after giving him his usual goodbye kiss, Nowaki heard Hiroki whisper something. He stopped. What had he said?

Spinning around, he realized Hiroki looked extremely embarrassed at getting caught.

“What did you just say, Hiro-san?”

“Nothing. You’re going to be late, idiot.”

“Tell me, Hiro-san,” Nowaki persisted.

“It was nothing. Just thinking to myself,” he mumbled not meeting his eyes.

“I doubt that.” Nowaki pushed him gently against the wall, holding him in place. His hand trailed his cheek, a leg brushing against his. “Please tell me,” he pleaded.

Hiroki looked frantic to escape, but realizing there was no way to, reluctantly gave in. His whispered again, but this time Nowaki was close enough to make out the words. Immediately after, he was kissing a flushed Hiroki, work forgotten.

_I love you, too._


	2. 14.	Things You Said After You Kissed Me

“Hiro-san,” he gasped, out of breath, but that didn’t stop him from kissing him a few dozen more times. Enough was enough, and Hiroki pushed him away.

“Idiot, I need to breathe, you know?” He panted and tried to straighten his tousled hair.

“Sorry, Hiro-san,” he apologized with that hurt puppy-look.

“It’s okay,” Hiroki mumbled looking at the floor.

“I love you so much, Hiro-san.” The younger man crawled the tiny distance between them so that he could sit behind the older. Without protest, Hiroki leaned into him, letting his junior wrap large, comforting hands around him. The usual warmth surrounded him, making him feel like a baby chick still safe within its egg. He was feeling sleepy.

“Say, Nowaki, what is it that you like about an old fart like me anyway?”

“Everything.” Hiroki knew that he was wearing a grin as his arms tightened around him. “You work so hard. You’re brilliant and always unraveling meanings behind literature. I never tire of listening to you speak of your passions. You make the best curry. I love how you fit within my arms. I love the way your voice cracks and how beautiful you look when you cum.”

“Nowaki!” he screeched a dark pint tint on his cheeks.

“Is something wrong, Hiro-san?” Nowaki asked, teasing evident in his voice.

“You didn’t need to be so thorough,” the man pouted.

“I also love when you get embarrassed.”

Nowaki received quite a number of bruises on his head, but it was worth it.


	3. 15. Things You Said With Too Many Miles Between Us

Frankly put, Hiroki had become a mess ever since Nowaki disappeared from his life. He was used to being alone, but Nowaki had thrown him off balance, constantly showering him with affection and then vanishing without a word. His life was a game of seesaw, up and down, anger and sorrow.

Given the chance, he would punch Nowaki. Then he would kiss him. Kiss him fiercely, fiercer than he’d ever allowed himself. Or at least, that’s what he told himself.

The first Christmas was the worst. Everywhere he went couples were strewn like the colored lights, glowing and unavoidable. Hiroki had never been fond of Christmas. He’d never gotten what he wanted, and after leaving his family, all he had to look forward to was the promised time it gave him with Akihiko. Even then it pained him knowing that he’d rather spend that night doing very different things.

The Christmas he’d had with Nowaki had been like discovering the real golden egg among a pile of painted imitations. They’d talked for hours, engraving each other into their hearts. They’d exchanged the most thoughtful presents. They’d made love until the crack of day.

Now, Hiroki sat alone in a small, dark apartment.

“Looks like I won’t be getting what I want again this year,” he muttered to himself. “Why the hell did you leave me, Nowaki? Having fun all by yourself?” An image of Nowaki with another flashed in his mind, but he shook his head, dislodging it. “Just hidden away God knows where. You really are the worst, you know that? Akihiko may have hurt me, but it was fast. You, you made me think that we had something special.” He growled loudly before falling onto the enormous, cold bed.


	4. 5.	Things You Didn’t Say at All

Hiroki rarely mentioned his past feelings for Akihiko and even rarer discussed just how depressed he had been when Nowaki first stepped into his life. Hiroki never said thank you for the happiness he had given him, but he didn’t need to. Nowaki had quickly learned to read Hiroki. He was like a novel riddled with hidden symbolic gemstones. His words and actions were often harsh, but inside he knew that Hiroki was a cuddly brown bear.

Nowaki snaked his arms around the brunet who was currently bent over the bathroom sink brushing his teeth. “Thank you for loving me,” he whispered.

“Hah? What’s gotten into you?” Hiroki garbled through toothpaste foam, the toothbrush waving in his hand.

“Nothing, just thinking about stuff,” Nowaki said, nestling his forehead against his lover’s back.

Hiroki spat out the white liquid and washed his mouth out with water before speaking again. “Weird.”

“Saying thanks is weird?”

Hiroki turned, looking Nowaki in the face. “I choose to, you know. There’s nothing to thank.”

Nowaki grinned widely. “Hiro-san, you’re so cute.”

“Who’s cute, idiot?” He smacked the younger man across the arm.

“Are you calling me cute, Hiro-san?”

“What? No. Of course not.” He turned his head down.

“Cute.”

“Shut up.”

“Make me.” This resulted in more smacks, but even more kisses.


	5. 4. Things You Said Over the Phone

A chipped piece of chalk fulfilled its final duty as it sailed across the room meeting its target (a disinterested student, whose focus was diverted by the glowing screen of his cellphone).

“Takahashi, pay attention!” the professor barked before he blanched at the sound of his own phone vibrating. Half the class began to snicker to his annoyance. Clearing his throat, he ignored it. However, not that long back into his lecture, the phone vibrated again, and again, and yet again. The entire class was laughing openly now, and Hiroki could feel a vein in his temple ready to burst.

To the class he said, “Please excuse me.” Pulling the device from his pocket roughly, he typed quickly, _Idiot. Stop texting me. I’m trying to teach a class here._ Then he set the phone to silent.

The class had settled down by now except for one student in the front row chuckling heartily. Hiroki sent a nasty glare his way. “Sugiwara, if you have time to snicker, then I’m sure you had time to contemplate this question.” The student’s face immediately sobered into dread. “What are the real-world implications of the central theme that runs through Murakami’s works that we have read this semester?”

Hiroki shook his head when he spotted the ever-growing disarray that was Miyagi’s half of their joint-office. With a sigh, he plopped down in his chair. He considered going through the mess just so that he wouldn’t have to look at it anymore, but then he remembered that Nowaki had texted him insistently. Unlocking his phone, he wondered what could have been so important. As he slowly read through the messages, his face softened, and he could feel a slight tinge of regret at his outburst earlier. He decided that the next time he saw Nowaki he would need to apologize in more ways than one. Anyway, it had been partially his fault for not remembering to set his phone on silent.

_Hiro-san, I’m sorry to bother you while you’re in class, but I won’t be able to make it home tonight._

_I know you’re still in class right now, but it looks like this will be the only break I’ll be getting tonight. I may not make it back tomorrow either. Sorry, Hiro-san._

_Love you. Still on break, but I already miss you. Make sure to eat a healthy dinner, okay? And don’t stay up reading late like you do. I’ll probably be dead tired when I get home, but I want to see you well-rested and healthy._

_And I love you! <3 <3_

_Sorry, again, Hiro-san. I didn’t mean to upset you_ _L_


	6. 17.	Things You Said that I Wish You Hadn’t

Nowaki exited the bathroom, towel busy at work drying dark hair.

“Yes, that sounds fine. I’ll see you then. Bye, Akihiko.” Hiroki hung up the phone and smiled a greeting.

“What’s the matter?”

Nowaki hadn’t realized he was frowning. “I just don't like you seeing him.”

Hiroki's face fell into flat disgruntlement. “Um, Nowaki, we need to talk. I probably should have told you this sooner, but about Akihiko-“

“What about Usami-san?” Nowaki’s usually gentle eyes transformed into sharp knives.

Hiroki shifted, knowing full-well that he was treading on dangerous ground. “Remember that this was before I knew you and I was drowning in my feelings for him.”

“Hiro-san, what happened?” Nowaki’s voice rose gooseflesh on Hiroki’s arms.

“I had sex with him. But it was only once!” he quickly clarified, hoping this made the act less painful to hear about.

“He used you for sex?”

“What? No! I talked him into it.”

“And you were fine with having only a one night stand?”

“No…It’s complicated.”

“Then explain it to me.” Nowaki’s eyes bore into him.

“I let him pretend I was Takahiro.”

“Oh my god!” Nowaki rose, a hand pressed to his mouth. “I don’t think I can be around you right now.”

A week passed and both were still upset over the prior conversation. Hiroki still had not gained the courage to ask Nowaki if he hated him now. Hearing the words would be too painful. Sure he’d lamented on his stupidity in hoping that having sex with Akihiko once would convey his feelings, but seeing Nowaki’s reaction opened the chest that had been carefully hidden away. He’d been pathetic. He’d been disgusting. He’d been willingly used. He couldn’t blame Nowaki thinking he was repulsive.

Nowaki still found it difficult to look at the man. Each time he imagined them together, Akihiko in a drunken dreamland, Hiroki, heart spilling lifeblood. Normally learning about Hiroki’s weaknesses, his pains, stirred his desire to alleviate them, but for some reason this was difficult to get passed. More difficult than his instinctual desire to comfort.


	7. 18. Things You Said When You Were Scared

Nowaki never had the luxury of fear. At the orphanage it hadn’t felt right to put that fear on Mother Kusama’s shoulders. Therefore, as the oldest of the bunch for eleven of his eighteen years there, he had taken it upon himself to conquer his fears. In an attempt to help Mother Kusama, he helped the other children eliminate pests like spiders, bees, and cockroaches. Watching the other children taken in by families stung, but he didn’t let it bother him. Mother Kusama was as much of a mother as he needed, and as long as he stayed with her, her burden would be lessened. Even after leaving the orphanage and facing the harsh financial reality that awaited him, he hadn’t felt afraid. With a positive attitude and hard work he could overcome any obstacle. Thus, Nowaki braved all aspects of his life.

He hadn’t even worried about initiating his relationship with Hiroki. But after that relationship had been formed the frigid clamp of fear had taken hold of him for the first time. If he was honest, every little thing stirred an ounce of fear. For the first time in his life he had something so precious that he never wanted to let it go, yet possibilities for losing him hid behind every corner.

Nowaki loved his job, but that was the worst of all. He hardly saw Hiroki. They hardly spoke for days, brushed off greetings and goodbyes their only interactions.

It wasn’t a surprise when he began to worry that their relationship was crumbling. Hiroki stopped making any effort to make time for him on his days off, and even when they were together, he prioritized his work to the point that they hadn’t slept together in over a month. Nowaki understood. It would be unfair to value his own work over his lover’s, even if his was a matter of life and death. Work was work. Work was important. Hiroki’s need for accomplishment was important.

But wasn’t Nowaki important as well?

Wasn’t their relationship important?

Eventually, Nowaki stopped trying to force things. Hiroki would come to him when he was ready, wouldn't he? His days were dreary, but he managed. He came home one night, careful to be as quiet as could be since it was well past midnight. However, the bedside table lamp was still on, illuminating a pouty-faced Hiroki whose eyes were clamped shut. The brunet groaned. Unsure what to make of this, Nowaki simply placed his bag on the floor and began to undress as usual.

The other man groaned louder, perhaps wanting something?

Nowaki spoke barely above a whisper. “Hiro-san?”

“Idiot.”

“Huh?” This was spoken louder due to his shock.

“You’ve been neglecting me.” A flood of relief coursed through Nowaki’s veins, and he nearly laughed.

“I’ve been neglecting _you_?”

Hiroki popped his eyes open, giving him an angry glare. “You heard me.”

“Hiro-san,” the doctor spoke slowly in an even tone, like he often did to his patients, “you have been busy with work.”

“That doesn’t matter.” Hearing Nowaki’s sigh, Hiroki chose to elaborate. “You aren’t supposed to be okay with it.”

“What?” Nowaki scratched his head at a loss.

“Yeah I was busy, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try harder.”

Nowaki grinned. It was stupid considering that Hiroki was blaming him for their circumstance, but he couldn’t help it. The older man was always so adorable. “Sorry, Hiro-san.”

Nowaki leaned down, kissing his boyfriend on the forehead. Instead of seeming pleased, Hiroki groaned again before pulling him in for a deep kiss.

“Damn it, I’m cold.”

“Of course, Hiro-san.” He settled on the bed, content for the first time in two months. If it came down to living without fear or without this scowl of a man, Nowaki wouldn’t have to think twice.


	8. 11.	Things You Said When You Were Drunk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was very depressed when I wrote this, so don’t judge this too much please.

Hiroki waved his fifth beer as he slumped against Nowaki. “Ya know, I’ve had a lot in my time, right? But you, you are the best.” He tipped the can at a hazardous angle. Nowaki reached out for it, but Hiroki’s other hand grabbed him instead. “Your thing is just magnificent. It’s so _big_!” He pulled the black-haired man’s hand down to rest upon his own crotch. “I mean just feel it.”

“Uh, Hiro-san, I know how big my dick is.”

“Do you? Do you really?” Hiroki got close to his face dramatically, making Nowaki chuckle.

“I think you’ve had enough to drink,” he said, again reaching for the beverage.

“No!” Hiroki pouted like a child. “I can at least finish this one.”

Nowaki knitted his eyebrows. “I guess…”

“I love this cock, especially when it’s inside me.” He made a purring noise deep in his throat. Nowaki shifted as an erection began to stir. “Ah, see, I think he wants to come out to play~”

“Hiro-san,” he moaned deeply, feeling his zipper being lowered.

“What do you want?” the brunet whispered against the exposed naked flesh which twitched in response.

Hiroki woke with a slight hangover. “Damn it. I got drunk again, didn’t I?”

“Maybe.” Nowaki smiled, ruffling his lover’s hair. Hiroki groaned, flopping back down into Nowaki’s waiting arms. “You were quite…. _excited_.”

“So embarrassing.”

“Aw, but it was actually pretty cute.”

“What did I do?” the brunet asked apprehensively.

“You told me all about how great my dick is,” he explained proudly, “then you rode me quite adamantly.”

“Just kill me now!” he groaned.


	9. 3.	Things You Said Too Quietly

Hiroki had grown accustomed to Nowaki’s warmth. Without him the bed seemed to hold a deadly chill and a wide expanse that could easily swallow him. Sleeping without him was damn near impossible, but he wouldn’t ever admit it. Not only was this a horrible strike to his tender pride, but he knew that Nowaki would blame himself. Which was frankly idiotic. While Nowaki was uncannily bright, whenever it came to him, the strangest ideas got stuck in his head. Therefore, it was up to the older man to divert him from these said ideas.

He had taken it upon himself to pretend to already to sound asleep whenever Nowaki came home at odd hours of the night. The younger man would amble in, trying his hardest to be as quiet as possible--one of the thousands of qualities that Hiroki admired about him--and crawl into the bed still fully dressed. Hiroki knew his days wore him out, and he often wished that he could help him somehow. Never had he wished to as badly as that one particular night.

Nowaki was louder than usual, not as careful. Hiroki could hear his bags tumbling thoughtlessly to the ground with a thump before the man plopped down unto the bed and began holding his lover to him tightly. That was unusual as well, considering that the normal Nowaki probably worried such movement would wake him.

The next thing Hiroki realized was wetness soaking his pajama top. When he focused, he could make out tiny, quiet sobs. Hiroki stiffened, unsure of what to do. He longed to comfort him, to tell him that everything was okay, but he worried that Nowaki wouldn’t want him to see him this way. He always tried to act so strong, as if showing weakness made him unworthy somehow. Though to be honest, Hiroki wasn’t much different…

He remained still, listening for any signs to what had caused this reaction. Perhaps he could distill the problem later without letting him know he’d heard.

Finally, finally, Nowaki spoke, his voice cracking over itself. “Hiro-san, don’t ever leave me.” He released a wretched sob. “You’re the only family I have.”

Hiroki’s heart simultaneously broke and melted. Nowaki always acted like being an orphan wasn’t a big deal. He was used to it. Obviously, he was not. The older man felt guilt plague his heart because he had so easily forgone ties with his own family. But somewhere along the line he too had come to think of Nowaki as family. Perhaps never in actual words, but when he heard the title it rang true within his heart. They were a family.

After what felt like an eternity, Nowaki’s crying ceased and his shallow breathing hinted at sleep. But it was a far reach from Hiroki. All he could think of was what he could possibly do to give Nowaki the family he’d never had.


	10. 10. Things You Said that Made Me Feel Like Shit

Nowaki rolled over, tugging Hiroki into a tight embrace. He nuzzled his face into his lover’s neck, breathing in his light sweat. “Morning, Hiro-san.”

His lover grumbled something incoherently into his pillow. “Hiro-san, please wake up. I want to talk to you.”

“About what?” Hiroki turned to give him a slight scowl for not letting him continue sleeping.

Nowaki smiled at his cuteness. “I want to meet your parents.”

“Huh?” Hiroki cringed as if he had just ate something sour. “Why?”

“They are your parents. I want to know the people who brought you into this world.”

“No, you don’t.”

“Of course I do,” Nowaki said with conviction.

Hiroki’s scowl deepened. “Just lay off it. I don’t associate with them.” He scooted himself out of Nowaki’s grasp.

“That’s a shame, Hiro-san. You are lucky to have them.”

“Lucky? Hah. You can only say that cause you’ve never met them.”

Nowaki was frowning now as well. “But I want to.”

“They are awful. They hate me purely for the fact that I am gay. Think they’d treat you any differently?”

“I’m sure that when they get to know me that they will get passed that.”

“No, they won’t. All they will see you as is the man fucking their son. It is shameful.” The brunet turned his head to the side.

“They can’t be that bad. They brought you up to be a fine man.”

“Hah! That wasn’t them. That was endless rules and lessons. All they cared about was how well I fit into their little, picture perfect life.” Nowaki reached out a hand but Hiroki brushed it aside.

“I’m sure it was only because they wanted the best for you.”

“As if you would know! You’ve never had parents.”

Nowaki’s face went blank.

“No, I…I didn’t mean that. Nowaki…” But the younger man had silently turned his back to him. “Hey, Nowaki. I’m sorry,” Hiroki mumbled, kissing his shoulder. “To be honest,” he grumbled, “I just didn’t want to subject you to them. I’ve long since built a wall to ward off their comments, but you, you’re vulnerable. They’re a high-class family. To them, you’d be a nobody. But Nowaki, you aren’t. You aren’t a nobody. You are kind, and hardworking, and mine. And,” he pressed lips to skin again, sinking the next words directly into him, “I love you.”

Nowaki shuddered a gasp.


	11. 9.	Things You Said When I was Crying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I wanted a good idea, but also one that wasn’t too outlandish. I settled with this, but when I was writing it Hiroki seemed a bit OOC. I don’t know. He gets easily stressed, but I don’t take him to be this extremely down on himself.

The room fell into silence as the students began the short reading section Hiroki had just assigned. The professor settled into his chair and pulled out Akihiko’s newest novel. The quiet was soon cut short by a disrespectful chuckle. Hiroki glanced up from the page he was reading with a death glare.

“What exactly do you find so funny about the reading, Sugiwara?”

“Nothing, sir. I was just…”

“Reading a text, I see. Do your work or leave.”

“But, sir, I was about to—“

Hiroki flung a piece of chalk straight at his head making him flinch. “Get to work this instant or leave. Don’t make me repeat myself. Perhaps you don’t care about my class, but other students do.”

“Y-yes, sir.”

When class ended, Hiroki stretched his arms with a groan. Some days were more tiring than others, and somehow today was worse. They had just read the passage, how could none of the students recall such simple facts? Putting the thought aside, he strode to his office, ready to grade a couple papers before heading out for the day.

When he opened his joint-office’s door, he gawked at his associate. “What the hell are you doing?”

“Buying sex toys. What does it look like?”

Hiroki glanced quickly down the hall to make sure the coast was clear before shutting the door behind himself. “You moron. Why would you do that here?”

“Shinobu likes to check my internet history. Thought I’d surprise him.”

Sighing, he moved to his chair and flopped down into it. “Great. Surprising that terror is definitely worth risking your job over.”

Miyagi shrugged. “Already risky, why not go with it.”

Hiroki grabbed his red pen and the first paper off his fresh stack of essays. “Keep digging that hole, and you might never get out of it.”

There came a knock at the door. Before Miyagi had time to close the tab, the door opened showing a frowning Dean. As the two occupants gawked at his sudden intrusion, the Dean’s jaw tightened. He quickly shut the door looking more upset than either of them had seen him before.

“Yoh, why are you looking at such things?”

“I—“ Miyagi let the sentence hang for a moment before blurting, “I was helping Kamijou look for something that he could use with his boyfriend so that he could spend more time grading.”

The Dean set his eyes upon Hiroki. “Is that true?”

Hiroki opened his mouth to protest, but Miyagi gave him pleading eyes. His brow twitched as he bowed his head.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do with you today, Kamijou.”

Hiroki flinched slightly. What did that mean?

“Come with me. We need to speak in private.”

He obediently rose, glaring at Miyagi who gave him a sympathetic look in return.

They walked in tense silence until reaching the office. They stepped inside, and the Dean gruffly ordered him to sit while he remained hovering over him like an authoritative giant.

“We’ve received another complaint. This makes the fifth time one of your students has accused you of classroom cruelty.”

“With all respect, sir, he wasn’t doing his work.”

“I understand that you take your job seriously, however, even that does not give you the right to harm students.”

“I barely harmed him, sir. It was a mere tap of chalk to the head.”

“Even so, we have no way of proving that. I like you, Kamijou, but this is a business first and foremost. To us, students are clients. We need to keep them satisfied. Am I being perfectly clear?”

Hiroki lowered his head. With tight shoulders, he replied, “Yes, sir,” though it felt like a piece of him were dying.

The Dean sighed, finally settling into his cushioned chair. “As for the other matter, I will not judge you for your private life choices, but do try to remain professional while on the job.”

“Yes, very sorry, sir.”

The Dean waved his hand submissively. “I guess that will be all. Just, try not to be such a nuisance tomorrow, alright?”

Hiroki rose with a heavy heart. “Oh, and Kamijou, send my regards to your boyfriend.”

When Hiroki made it back to the apartment, he sunk heavily to the floor. What a disaster. His temper had always been his bad point, but now it was his undoing. What if he was fired? It didn’t matter, he had five complaints. It was sure to be on his permeant file my now. How had he let himself become such a screw up? And damn that Miyagi making him look bad on top of it.

Shit! He punched the floor with a furious cry of distress.

Nowaki stumbled out from the bedroom, staring at him in shock. He seemed off-put, as if he didn’t know what to do with him. Perfect. Now Nowaki’s image of him was tainted as well. What a perfect day this was.

Nowaki approached him slowly, much like one does a rabid animal. When he was within touching distance, Hiroki latched on, pride forgotten. He pounded on his chest as racking sobs erupted from his chest. Nowaki’s hands soothed through his hair and down his back. He whispered assurances softly, but they didn’t matter. Hiroki had screwed up, and that was fact. It couldn’t be changed.

Finally, he stopped crying out, and Nowaki ventured to ask what was wrong. “I was reprimanded by my boss.”

“I’m sorry, Hiro-san. I’m sure it will be fine.”

“No, it won’t. I have already failed.”

“Failed?” Nowaki tilted his head. “Hiro-san, you can’t fail your job.”

“Yes, I can. I’ve already failed so many things: my afterschool activities, Akihiko’s friendship, my parents. And now I’ve failed at my job as well. That’s what I am, I’m a failure.”

“Never say that!” Hiroki didn’t reply, making Nowaki’s brow tighten with worry. “How have you failed Usami-san and your parents?”

Hiroki slumped against him tiredly. “As you know, I tried to be the best at everything I did in school. People began to look up to me, but I didn’t expend time socializing. That is, until I met Akihiko. One day he kissed me like it was nothing—and to him it was. But that stuck with me. Not only did I fall in love with him, but realized that I was gay. I soon realized that my feelings wouldn’t reach him, so I sought comfort elsewhere. Do you even know how many men I’ve slept with? I don’t even know.” He released an ugly sort of laugh. “One day my father caught me. Know what he did? He just shook his head. I wish he’d been furious, at least then I could have known how he felt. Instead he just stopped talking to me. It took an entire month before he spoke to me again, and even then he never mentioned it again. That’s how much he hates that I’m gay.”

“I’m sure that’s not so, Hiro-san. Perhaps he was waiting for you to talk it over with him.”

“If it wasn’t bad enough that I was betraying my love for Akihiko with any random dick I could find,” he could feel Nowaki cringe at that, “then I went and forced him into that ‘One Night.’ I hurt both of us that day. See,” he laughed humorously, “I even failed myself.”

Nowaki hugged him tightly. “We all make mistakes. You just need to move past them.”

“No. I fail everyone.”

“You haven’t failed me.”

“Haven’t I? It was my fault for not listening when you left that we fought so. It was my fault that you went back into work without any sleep last week. It is my fault that you are stuck here with a worthless old grump.”

“No it’s not. I chose to be with you. I love this old grump more than you can know. Last week was worth the loss of sleep, and back then I should have made sure you heard me before leaving. It was partially my fault. It is a two-way street, Hiro-san.”

Hiroki tried to push himself out of his grasp, but Nowaki just hugged him tighter. “I know what you’re trying to do, but it changes nothing.”

“No, it does, Hiro-san. You are a Japanese professor, right? Shouldn’t you understand the definition of a failure?”

“I don’t-“

“What is the definition, Hiro-san?”

“Being unsuccessful.”

“Then let me tell you how you have been successful. You have made me fall in love with you. You have been a wonderful boyfriend. You have managed to remain best friends with Usami-san even though you both had a difficult situation. You have landed a successful career, and even though you may be too hard on your students, you care about their educations. You want to improve the lives of others and help them see the merits of the literature that you love. And you have become the bigger man to help Miyagi-san stay on good terms with your boss. And that is just the tip of the iceberg. Overall, Hiro-san, I would say that you are a success.”

“Do you really mean all that?”

“Of course I do. I love and respect you more than anyone, Hiro-san.”

Hiroki could feel tears in his eyes again, but these felt lighter, sweeter. Nowaki was too good for him, and while he would never feel that he deserved him, he was not going to ever complain. With a trembling smile, he grasped onto the arms surrounding him.


	12. 8.	Things You Said When You were Crying

Nowaki smiled when he heard the front door open. He rose from the bed, sliding his slippers on. His smile slipped when Hiroki never called out a welcome. Was something wrong?

Nowaki exited the bedroom, glancing around the apartment until his eyes settled on the clumped mess in front of the door that was his lover. He’d seen Hiroki a mess before, but usually for good reason—usually over himself or Akihiko. The fact that this was due to something that had transpired at work frightened him. What could possibly have set him off like this?

He approached slowly, much like one does a rabid animal. When he was within touching distance, Hiroki latched on. Nowaki’s heart fluttered momentarily, but quickly settled down. This was no time for such things. His lover pounded on his chest as racking sobs erupted from his chest. Nowaki’s hands soothed through his hair and down his back. He whispered assurances softly, but they didn’t seem to be helping.

Finally, he stopped crying out, and Nowaki ventured to ask what was wrong.

“I was reprimanded by my boss,” he said.

That was all? “I’m sorry, Hiro-san. I’m sure it will be fine.”

“No, it won’t. I have already failed.”

“Failed?” Nowaki tilted his head. Hiroki had always been prideful, but he’d never imagined that this sort of thing bothered him so much. “Hiro-san, you can’t fail your job.” Not if he had been trying his best, and Nowaki was sure he had been.

“Yes, I can. I’ve already failed so many things: my afterschool activities, Akihiko’s friendship, my parents. And now I’ve failed at my job as well. That’s what I am, I’m a failure.”

“Never say that!” he nearly shouted as his heart clenched. Did Hiroki really that way? He almost felt like crying himself. Hiroki didn’t reply, making Nowaki’s brow tighten with worry. “How have you failed Usami-san and your parents?”

Hiroki slumped against him tiredly. “As you know I tried to be the best at everything I did in school. People began to look up to me, but I didn’t expend time socializing.” Nowaki imagined a young Hiroki bent diligently over his textbooks. That sounded like him alright.

“That is, until I met Akihiko. One day he kissed me like it was nothing—and to him it was.”

Nowaki’s fist clamped. And that condescending, self-focused attitude sounded like Usami.

“But that stuck with me. Not only did I fall in love with him, but realized that I was gay. I soon realized that my feelings wouldn’t reach him, so I sought comfort elsewhere. Do you even know how many men I’ve slept with? I don’t even know.”

He released an ugly sort of laugh, and Nowaki fought the urge to cringe. That laugh was how he felt about himself, and it hurt Nowaki immensely. How could someone so wonderful feel so worthless?

“One day my father caught me. Know what he did? He just shook his head. I wish he’d been furious, at least then I could have known how he felt. Instead he just stopped talking to me. It took an entire month before he spoke to me again, and even then he never mentioned it again. That’s how much he hates that I’m gay.”

“I’m sure that’s not so, Hiro-san. Perhaps he was waiting for you to talk it over with him.”

“If it wasn’t bad enough that I was betraying my love for Akihiko with any random dick I could find,” Nowaki couldn’t help cringing at that, “then I went and forced him into that ‘One Night.’”

That ‘One Night.’ Nowaki would have been better off not knowing about it, but alas a drunken Hiroki is an open Hiroki. Still, he could never blame him for it. No, in his eyes this was all Usami’s fault. He should have realized Hiroki’s feelings. He should have refused his offer. He should have never hurt Hiroki so.

“I hurt us both that day. See,” he laughed humorously, “I even failed myself.”

Nowaki hugged him tightly, trying frantically to think of what he could do to help him. “We all make mistakes. You just need to move past them.”

“No. I fail everyone.”

“You haven’t failed me.”

“Haven’t I? It was my fault for not listening when you left that we fought so. It was my fault that you went back into work without any sleep last week. It is my fault that you are stuck here with a worthless old grump.”

“No it’s not. I chose to be with you. I love this old grump more than you can know. Last week was worth the loss of sleep, and back then I should have made sure you heard me before leaving. It was partially my fault. But we’re making this work. It is a two-way street, Hiro-san.”

Hiroki tried to push himself out of his grasp, but Nowaki just hugged him tighter. “I know what you’re trying to do, but it changes nothing.”

“No, it does, Hiro-san. You are an English professor, right? Shouldn’t you understand the definition of a failure?”

“I don’t-“

“What is the definition, Hiro-san?”

“Being unsuccessful.”

“Then let me tell you how you have been successful. You have made me fall in love with you. You have been a wonderful boyfriend. You have managed to remain best friends with Usami-san even though you both had a difficult situation. You have landed a successful career, and even though you may be too hard on your students, you care about their educations. You want to improve the lives of others and help them see the merits of the literature that you love. And you have become the bigger man to help Miyagi-san stay on good terms with your boss. And that is just the tip of the iceberg. Overall, Hiro-san, I would say that you are a success.”

“Do you really mean all that?”

“Of course I do. I love and respect you more than anyone, Hiro-san.”

Soon Hiroki’s arms grasped his own, and Nowaki sighed in relief. He was probably not over everything, that took time, but Nowaki was just glad that he had managed to give him short-term ease at least. He would always be there to help him back up in the future.


	13. 6.	Things You Said Under the Stars and in the Grass

Nowaki turned to Hiroki, who was engrossed in one of his favorite novels, with an excited squeal. He looked more like a puppy than ever, Hiroki thought fondly.

“Look at the sky, Hiro-san. Isn’t it absolutely beautiful out? Let’s go outside.”

“Now? But it’s so late.”

“That’s the point. The stars wouldn’t be this bright otherwise.”

Hiroki could swear he saw a tail wagging in anticipation. Sighing, he relented, making sure to mark his page before setting the novel down.

The sky really was beautiful now that he was under it. He let Nowaki pull him down to sit on the little stretch of grass surrounding their apartment complex. Behind them dozens of other people lived, but looking at the myriad of shining lights above them, it felt like they were the things that mattered. He let his head drift to rest upon the younger man’s shoulder and sighed contentedly when he felt the hand that ruffled his shagging brown strands.

“It’s a bit overwhelming, isn’t it?” Nowaki asked.

“Um hmm,” Hiroki mumbled.

“People are kind of the same.”

“Huh?” The brunet lifted his head, diverting all attention to his boyfriend, finding a sparkling sheen there as well.

“There are so many people in this world, even just in Japan. How is it that we were able to find each other?”

“I never really thought about it.” That was a lie. He had thought about it, but in the sense of how he had been lucky enough to be chosen, not found. The idea really was daunting.

“Maybe it’s just me, but don’t the stars closer together look happier?”

Hiroki frowned. “That’s ridiculous.”

“Hiro-san, will you spend the rest of your life with me?”

Hiroki turned his head away in embarrassment. “What is this about? We already live together, don’t we?”

“That’s not what I mean,” Nowaki answered seriously. “Hiro-san, would you marry me?”

“But we can’t. idiot. It’s not legal here!”

“I don’t care. It is the thought that counts. And if that isn’t enough, we will find a way, no matter how long it takes.”

“Nowaki.” Hiroki could feel his heart melting. “I guess I don’t have a choice. Of course, you lug.”

“Hiro-san!” Nowaki squeezed him in a tighter hug than he remembered having in years. He was the one to initiate a kiss, pulling them down to a semi-sprawl. In that kiss it didn’t matter how many people existed behind them or how many lights enticed in the distance. There was only the two of them.


	14. 20. Things You Said that I Wasn't Supposed to Hear

_The_ day had finally come, and Hiroki could feel tension flittering through his body as if it could serve as a defense mechanism. He was doing this for Nowaki, he reminded himself, and this calmed his rampant heart if only a fraction. He could do this. He had already built defenses; he just needed to remember how to find them.

When he pressed the doorbell and heard footsteps from within, he felt Nowaki’s hand find his own. He glanced over, finding a reassuring smile there. He squeezed back, hoping that his smile could hold out at least until dinner.

As soon as his mother opened the door, she frowned. “A man?” she asked with a haughty lilt. “You didn’t say you were marrying a man.”

“What did you expect? I am gay.” He shoved his way passed her, pulling Nowaki with him. When the door clicked shut they had already reached the living room.

His father, seated in a burgundy armchair, folded the newspaper he was reading, lowered his glasses, scrunched up his face, and began to inspect Nowaki. “So, this is the guy?

“Hello, Mr.,” he turned so as to face Hiroki’s mother, “and Mrs. Kamijou. My name is Nowaki Kusama, and I would like to marry your son.”

“So we have heard,” his father said, placing the newspaper on the side table and standing. “You look like a pleasant enough man, Kusama, but I hope you didn’t come here looking for our blessing.”

“Well, I—“

“Overlooking our son’s _preferences_ is one thing. Allowing him to marry into those preferences is another.”

Nowaki barely moved, caught off guard by the comment, but Hiroki didn’t wait a beat. “I don’t need your blessing.”

“Of course you don’t. It isn’t even legal.”

One of Hiroki’s hands clenched, the other tightening onto Nowaki’s. “So what if it isn’t? That isn’t the reason we are marrying. We want to show our commitment.”

“At least that is one thing we can agree on. You always have been committed.”

“Yes,” his mother added, “at least we didn’t raise a floozy.”

He could feel his forehead beginning to throb. “Glad to hear how proud you are of me.”

“Hiroki, listen, it isn’t that we don’t love you. It is just that your actions reflect poorly on us,” his father reasoned not unkindly.

Of course he knew that. They had made it entirely clear back then that his father’s business was more important than he was. He didn’t even blame them, he just wished they could show they cared. Even if only a little. “You think I don’t know that? That is exactly why I left all those years ago. I’m not your burden to carry.”

“Then why,” his mother began, and her irritated lilt grated at his ears, “may I ask, did you come back here?”

He was nearing the breaking point. They shouldn’t have come. He nearly dropped Nowaki’s hand so that he could move his arms freely and alleviate some of the annoyance building inside him. But Nowaki’s warm hold served as the reminder of the core of annoyance. He wasn’t annoyed over their disapproval of him—he’d accepted that years ago—no, he was annoyed that they would treat Nowaki like this, that they didn’t even have the decency to treat him properly. “Because I thought maybe you might actually want to meet who I am going to spend the rest of my life with. Because I thought maybe you might actually care.” And a slither of himself had actually hoped that perhaps they would change their tone and accept him. It had been stupid to even consider it. He tightened his hold on Nowaki’s hand enough that he could feel bones digging firmly against his skin, yet Nowaki continued to squeeze back. “And, most importantly, because I wanted you to accept Nowaki. I wanted you to see how wonderful a person he is.”

His mother leaned forward. “Wonderful?”

Hiroki spoke quickly on fumes of equal bitterness and pride. “He began with nothing, yet he made his dreams come true. Not only did he never give up on me, he became a doctor in half the time it usually takes. He works himself ragged, yet he never complains. He is the most caring, optimistic person I know, and it was because of his confidence that you two weren’t as bad as I made out that we decided to come here today.”

His mother touched her face, looking fascinated. “A doctor? Why, that is impressive.”

“Yes,” Nowaki said, finally finding his voice, though it was slow and measured, “I am a pediatrician.”

“Oh, so you like children? Isn’t it a shame entering into this knowing my son can never give you any?”

This broke Nowaki’s composition. “Mr. and Mrs. Kamijou, I apologize for my rudeness, but I cannot stand by and allow Hiro-san to be subjected to this any longer. Good day.” With that he pulled Hiroki along much as the elder had done before on the way in.

Once they were outside, Nowaki slouched over, panting.

“Nowaki,” Hiroki began hesitantly.

“I’m sorry, Hiro-san. I know that was rude.”

“Are you kidding me? If anyone was being rude it was them, not you.”

He stood up straight, fixing him with an all-too serious inspection. “Did what they say hurt you?”

“No. Okay, maybe a little. But I’m used to it. I’m more worried about you. I told you you didn’t want to meet them.”

“I am fine, Hiro-san. It was disappointing, but you were the one taking the brunt of their comments. You are a wonderful person, Hiro-san, a much more wonderful person than I am.”

Hiroki could feel his cheeks heating, so he quickly averted his eyes. “Idiot. I’m nothing special.”

Suddenly there was a hand on his chin forcing it upward. “That’s where you’re wrong. I have only been able to get to the place I am now because of you.”

“That’s not true. All I did was tutor you a little.”

“You gave me much more than that, Hiro-san.”

His eyes were so deep and sincere that Hiroki was nearly overcome by their intensity. Then his lips found his, and the last few minutes slipped away. There were no more parents, no more insults, no more expectations. There was only the two of them and their love. Soon Hiroki’s arm wrapped around his neck, pulling him in as close as possible. When they pulled apart their breaths were quick and shallow.

“I’m ready to go home, Hiro-san.”

“Me too. I’m cold.” Hiroki shivered for emphasis, and Nowaki chuckled before pulling him to his side. Together, they began to walk to the subway oblivious of the Kamijous watching them through the window.


	15. 19.	Things You Said When We Were the Happiest We Ever Were

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did a bit of research about this finding that Shibuya ward now recognizes same-sex partnership as an equivalent to marriage. The article I read did not explain much, though. I’m not sure if civil services are counted or if they just consider you married if you live together for so long? For clarity, though, the marriages are only considered real by Shibuya. There is also no legality to it :(

They had picked out matching rings together. Thinking ahead, Nowaki decided it would be better to wear it on a necklace chain than on his finger. This way he didn’t have to worry about losing it when he was at work (considering how many times he washed his hands). Hiroki nodded, appreciating the logic. The bands they chose were simple pure gold, but they decided to take them to an engraver. Nowaki’s read _The mutt who stole my heart_ on the inner side, and Hiroki’s read _My Hiro-san, my everything_.

The rings had been enough. Two parts of a whole, they connected them. Yet, when they heard that Shibuya was recognizing same-sex marriages, it felt like fate. If the universe was giving them the opportunity to actually marry (even if it still wasn’t legal), who were they to question it?

They found a small banquet hall in the Shibuki area, hired a Master of Ceremonies, and began to send out invitations. Deciding who to invite took a while. The first decided were Mother Kusama and Akihiko. Hiroki was actually surprised that Nowaki didn’t argue against his coming, but perhaps he _wanted_ to show Akihiko that Hiroki was his. Hiroki struggled over inviting his parents, but finally, after much goading by Nowaki, decided to do so. If they didn’t want to come then they wouldn’t. Miyagi weaseled himself in. He pleaded that he and Hiroki were pals, and that he owed him that much. Hiroki was content with those few. He didn’t exactly have the most friends. Nowaki, on the other hand, was a social magnet. Hiroki repeatedly asked just to make such that Nowaki didn’t have anyone that he wanted to invite. After much thought, he suggested the nice old men who had, in an offhanded way, brought them together.

Hiroki thought that was a wonderful idea.

The ceremony was close-knit, and Nowaki thought it was beautiful. The Master let them decide on what they wanted in the speech. They chose choice words about the heart’s ability to move on, to live passed heartache but to also withstand through any hardships in order to continue a lasting love. Nowaki wondered vaguely if Akihiko understood that the part about moving on was referring to him. He gave the man a pointed glare in case he did.

After the ceremony, Nowaki found himself in a crushing hug with Mother Kusama, who he hadn’t seen in years. Her hair had grayed, but she still looked beautiful and just as caring.

“Congratulations! It always lifts my heart to see my children earning the happiness they so deserve.” Nowaki smiled fondly at this.

In the taxi on the way home, Nowaki leaned his head on Hiroki’s shoulder. “How does it feel being married, Hiro-san?”

“Nice.” He was being oddly earnest today, and it touched Nowaki’s heart. It showed just how much this truly meant to the man.

“I’m glad,” he said, giving him their second kiss as husbands. Normally Hiroki would have protested considering that the taxi driver was staring at them in the rearview mirror, but instead he wrapped his arms around the younger man's neck, not a care in the world.


	16. 23. Things You Said [in the Morning]

Hiroki gently rubbed the dark hair of the man sleeping on top of him. The black hair gleamed dimly in the morning light. Hiroki did not want to disturb the man who he knew had gotten less than three hours of sleep, yet classes must go on.

He shifted slightly, trying to pull out from under him without waking him, but his hips were held in place. “Morning already?” came a deep rumble.

“Unfortunately,” Hiroki grumbled.

“What time is it?” Nowaki asked, nuzzling his nose closer to his neck.

“Six. I have class at seven-thirty.”

“Maybe if we hurry…” The younger man trailed off, all implications spoken with massaging fingers.

Hiroki wanted to feel those fingers massaging into his bare skin even more now than he had last night. Damn their schedules. “Shit! Maybe if I grab something at the station…”

“You were going to take a shower, right?”

Hiroki shivered, imagining his husband wet and glistening. “Yeah.”

“Then we better hurry in there or you may be late.”

Who was he kidding, he would probably be late anyway. Once they reached the white tile and Nowaki’s large hands found the tense flesh of his back and began massaging, each press more heavenly than the last so that gooseflesh spread across his exposed skin, he _knew_ he was going to be late. And when they reached the water, more than just Nowaki’s fingers touching him then, the heat of the water and the heat of their skin mingling with the heat of his heart and face, he didn’t care.

He was entitled to these special days, so short and far in-between, when he and Nowaki could combine so eagerly like newlyweds once again and feel the wave of euphoria that rarely slipped through the cracks of lethal nights of death and despair, of restlessness and insecurities, and lagging days of insufferable brats, headaches and loneliness. These small moments when all these things melted away were such rarities they made Hiroki’s chest melt with their intensity. It was during these moments that he was unwavering in his choices.

Hiroki was not a man to take shortcuts or rely on others unless it was absolutely necessary, yet he was able to set aside his bristled-kitten-of-a pride aside enough to let Miyagi cover for him. Moments like these, when he could no longer remember where he ended and Nowaki began, made the resulting teasing and blackmail as inconsequential as a mosquito bite.


	17. 7. Things You Said While We Were Driving

Hiroki, being the diligent professor that he was, had never taken a vacation. The only extended time off he enjoyed were university sanctioned breaks and those rare summers he chose not to teach remedial courses.

Nowaki, being the caring pediatrician that he was, couldn’t bring himself to take a vacation. There was always the chance that he would be needed, so he never strayed too far from the hospital. Nowaki worked himself too hard, coming in 9 times out of 10 when he wasn’t on duty. Higher ups had taken notice of this, and predicting a possible burn out, ordered the young doctor to take a vacation.

Hiroki agreed, knowing that he had enough PTO saved up and plenty of black mail material for a certain professor to cover his classes in lieu of hiring a substitute. Nowaki was crestfallen, having hoped that Hiroki may decline an actual vacation. His mood was not entirely sullied with the reminder that this would be their first time on a trip. It was almost like their honeymoon. With that thought in mind, he set upon discussing destinations.

Seeing as neither owned a car, a rental vehicle was a necessity. Hiroki was surprised when Nowaki approached the driver’s side before he had the opportunity, but climbed in nonetheless.

“When did you learn to drive?” he asked.

“Right after I left the orphanage. I was still helping out at the time, and the kids needed transport to school and appointments. So, I applied for a bus driver position that offered free training.” Hiroki had long ago lost count of the qualities he found admirable about Nowaki, but that didn’t make each any less significant. He smiled, laying his hand affectionately on Nowaki’s thigh.

They drove in pleasant conversation, about things they planned to do while here, what foods they most wanted to try eating, and Nowaki drove surprisingly well. But his carefree attitude grew shakier with each mile traveled.

“Nowaki, you okay?”

“I don’t think I can do this Hiro-san. I need to turn around.”

“What? Why?”

“What if Sue’s condition worsens? I’m the only can that can get her to take her pain medicine.”

“I’m sure she will be fine. If it gets too painful, I’m sure she will take her medicine.”

“What if they get an influx of patients? What if everyone is working while too tired and they give someone the wrong prescription?”

“Pull over,” Hiroki demanded.

“Huh?”

“I said pull over,” Hiroki repeated, louder with an edge of harshness. “Unless you want to get into an accident.” His hand lowered brushing against Nowaki’s groin.

“Ah!” Nowaki jerked in shock, the car swerving a bit into the thankfully empty other lane.

When he’d successfully pulled over, he turned to Hiroki, an upset look on his face. “What are you-“ he was cut off as Hiroki descended upon him, pants expertly opened and cock taken into mouth. The younger man threw his head back, his mind intoxicated by the sudden stimulation.

Hiroki lifted. “Lower the seat. It’s too cramped in here.”

Nowaki obliged with a content sigh. “God, Hiro-san, this is so hot.”

Hiroki just grunted, too preoccupied for a proper response. Rubbing the professor’s head in encouragement, Nowaki realized he could do this.


	18. 16.	Things You Said with No Space Between Us

Nowaki fell upon Hiroki in post-coital bliss. He shifted, removing himself, but continued to lay there, contentedly using the elder as a pillow.

“Nowaki,” Hiroki ventured, voice sounding timid.

“Yes, Hiro-san,” he nearly hummed back.

“You like kids, right?”

“Oh course! I wouldn’t have chosen to work with them otherwise.” He laughed rubbing his head into his collarbone.

“Do you want some?”

Nowaki lifted his head, meeting Hiroki’s eyes. “Do you think I would leave you for something like that?” His eyes showed extreme hurt.

The brunet brushed through his hair, along his jaw. “You dope. I didn’t mean it like that. Would you like some… with me?”

“Hiro-san!” His face burst into a grin, and he gave him a big sloppy kiss.

“Is that a yes?” Hiroki laughed.

“Yes. Yes, Hiro-san. I want to be parents with you!”

“You know it’ll be a big responsibility, right?”

“Of course, Hiro-san.”

 “We’ll raise this kid better than my parents did.”

Nowaki studied Hiroki’s determined expression. “Of course, Hiro-san,” he repeated, giving him a heated nibble to the lips. “Because we’ll do it together.” Hiroki’s arms tightened around him, pulling him into an embrace that could not possibly last long enough.


	19. 21. Things You Said When We Were On Top of the World

“Hiro-san, we’ve been approved!” Nowaki announced, handing the white slip of paper across the table. Hiroki’s fingers stilled upon the keyboard, and he slowly looked up. The white paper and Nowaki’s radiant smile broke his blank stare. Taking the paper, he cast his eyes downward.

In fine script font, it read:

 _We at Hikari Adoption Agency would like to congratulate you on your recent approval. Your new legal child_ Kazuki  _is ready for your immediate pick-up. Please notify us at your earliest convenience so that we can finish making the last minute arrangements._

_Again, congratulations and best wishes,_

_Hikari Adoption Agency_

Hiroki saw the paper wetting before he felt the warm tears on his face. A finger brushed along his eyelid, wiping the liquid aside. Hiroki let his eyes slide shut and head fall into the chest now mere inches from him

“Should we call them now, Hiro-san?”

“Just give me a minute. Kazuki, huh? It’s a nice name.”

“Yes, a very nice name.”

“Well here we are. This will be your home from now on,” Nowaki announced happily. The young boy looked around the apartment with wide eyes. He hopped a few times on the kitchen title, gazed out at the window’s skyline, and plopped on the couch before nodding in approval.

“Is this my room?” he asked ,staring into the cozy little side room. It had once held bookshelfs, boxes, cleaning supplies, and other items that needed tucked away. Now it housed a cute little bed with robot sheets, a dresser, table lamp, and some children’s books and toys.

“Sure is,” Hiroki answered, watching as Kazuki approached a box of Legos. “We weren’t sure what you’d like. We can always go buy some new toys if you’d like.”

“No, these are great!” He turned, beaming a bright smile at his new parents. Hiroki couldn’t stop himself from patting the kid’s head in response. Kazuki stared at him for a second in shock before smiling even brighter.

“So, uh, what should I call you guys?”

“Hmm?” Nowaki mumbled.

“I can’t call you both Dad, right?” They all laughed lightheartedly.

“We haven’t really thought about that,” Nowaki admitted rubbing the back of his head.

“How about you call Nowaki Dad and me Otou-chan.” Hiroki spun on the other adult when he chuckled.

“Chan, huh?”

“Yeah, so.” Hiroki glared at him. “You call me cute enough, I figure I might as well get used to it.”

“Aw, see, you are cute. Isn’t he cute, Kazuki?~”

Kazuki nodded, watching Nowaki hug a blushing Hiroki.

"Does that mean that I can call you Hiro-chan from now on?"

"Don't push your luck."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many yaoi fics have kids call one parent dad and the other father or papa. I'm not really fond of either since father is so formal and papa seems childish. I decided to go with the Japanese. So, you can think of Nowaki as being Otou-san and then Hiroki being Otou-chan.


	20. 13. Things You Said at the Kitchen Table

“Morning, Kazuki-chan. Did you sleep well?”

“Yeah,” he said, shifting shyly.

“Come here,” Nowaki motioned to the kitchen table, “what would you like for breakfast? We have Captain Crunch, blueberry bagels, or I could make eggs and miso.”

“Captain Crunch, please! The orphanage never let us have any.”

Some of the excitement from the night before had seeped back into his voice, and Nowaki smiled. Retrieving a bowl from the cabinet, he said, “I was also an orphan.”

“You were?” he said disbelievingly, and Nowaki chuckled.

“Would you like to pour it?” When Kazuki nodded he pushed the colorful box and gallon of milk forward, watching pleasantly as the boy filled his bowl with only minimal effort. “Yes. I stayed there until I was able to work.”

The little boy’s lip trembled as if this was the saddest news he had ever heard. “So, you never found a family?”

“No. I found Hiro-san.”

As if materialized by the sound of his name, Hiroki stood in the entryway. “Enough for another bowl?”

Nowaki smiled, shifting the box to estimate its contents. “A small one. Want me to pick up another?”

“No. It’s your day off. Relax with the kid. I’ll get one on the way home.” Kazuki’s eyes began to water. “Oi, what’s wrong?” Hiroki crouched to meet him eye-to-eye.

“Nothing,” he said, wiping the beginning of tears away, “I just can’t believe I have a home now.”

Hiroki swallowed, looking unsure of what to say, so Nowaki said, “It will take some time, but you will. It took time for me as well.”

Hiroki cleared his throat, apparently uncomfortable.

“What’s the matter, Hiro-san? You are the home I’m talking about.”

“Of course I know that, idiot. That’s what’s wrong.”

“Still bashful even after all this time? You’re adorable, Hiro-san. Isn’t he adorable, Kazuki-chan?”

The little boy thought for a moment as if it was a very important decision. Then he nodded enthusiastically.

Hiroki groaned at this then poured his own bowl of cereal. “Better start eating kid, or else it will be all soggy.”

“Ah!” He began to shovel the cereal into his mouth. “So good,” he exclaimed through a mouthful.

Hiroki shook his head at his display of poor manners, but ruffled his head regardless. “I’m glad.”

After buttering a bagel, Nowaki joined them in eating at the table. This was their first full day as a family, and looking at his boys faces filled his heart with a richer warmth than he’d known. It had taken his entire life to find this family, a true family, and he realized he would turn down any shortcuts offered to him to redo things. Living without a true family only made the one he had now that much sweeter.


	21. 1. Things You Said at 1 Am

Hiroki shifts on the bed for the umpteenth time. Glancing at the clock shows that it’s just past one in the morning. Nowaki has yet to come home, and Hiroki is damn near freezing. He clutches the blanket tighter around himself, but it is a poor substitute for his husband’s ever-heated skin, and he shivers still. Even after all this time (or perhaps because of all this time), his body resents falling asleep without his embrace. Hiroki would have long since given up on attempting sleep without him if not for the fact that he knew it would make the doctor in Nowaki panic. Sleep is essential, he would caution with genuine concern on his face. He may even blame himself if he caught a cold, and Hiroki wouldn’t stand for that. So, each night he lay here in all hopelessness, trying his best to wait out Nowaki’s arrival. It cut into his sleep, but it was worth it to be conscious of his returns.

There comes a light tap at the bedroom door. “Come in,” Hiroki mutters just load enough to be heard through the door, and soon a small Kazuki is beside the bed clutching his favorite purple blanket and staring anxiously at the hands doing so.

“Dad hasn’t come home home yet?” he asks, and his voice is nearly a whimper.

“No,” Hiroki says without preamble, because what would be the point? This has become a routine for them. He shifts further toward the wall before patting the free space beside him. “Come here. I can protect you just as well.”

Kazuki does so, snuggling in as close as possible to ward off the hidden monsters of the dark, and Hiroki wraps an arm around him. He isn’t Nowaki, but he is still a source of heat and comfort, a familiarity he can cling to through the unpleasant thoughts that always enter his mind this late at night. Soon he feels the beginnings of sleep settle upon him. Part of him still longs to wait for his husband, but the other reminds him that he will surely be there when he wakes up, so he lets his mind drift and his body sink.

A smile forms on Nowaki’s face when he enters the bedroom a little past two. He’s damn near exhausted, but this frequent sight always fills him with renewed vitality. The soft, relaxed expressions on his boys’ faces warm his heart so much that it doesn’t both him in the least that he has to squeeze himself upon the bed or that even then he half dangles from the side. He’s tired enough that such discomfort won’t impede his sleep, and besides, being this close to the two people he cares about most in the world dispels all discomfort.

Hiroki mutters his name on sleeping lips, and Nowaki searches for his hand beneath their shared blanket so as to wrap large fingers around slightly smaller ones. When he does so, Hiroki mutters something in appraisal. Nowaki closes his eyes, lets all thoughts aside from the feel of their bodies beside him and the sound of their breaths lift away. Sleep finds him easily, and when it does so he’s still holding Hiroki’s hand.


	22. 2.	Things You Said Through Your Teeth

“Kazuki needs his father,” Hiroki ranted.

“I am his father,” Nowaki retorted.

“Really? Because I thought fathers spend time with their kids.”

“Don’t you dare. My work is important. I can’t just drop it for any little whim.”

“Little whim? So, the fact that our son is being praised for his accomplishments is a little whim?” There was real anger in his voice now.

“No. I didn’t mean it that way. It’s just, children’s lives depend on me.”

“Kazuki depends on you, too.”

“He understands.”

“He may understand, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt him.”

Nowaki’s face fell, pained. “Even so, I don’t know what I can do. I have to work.”

A knock sounded on the open bedroom door before Kazuki tentatively stepped inside. “Dad, Otou-chan, please don’t fight. I didn’t mean to start anything. You don’t need to come, Dad. I wouldn’t want someone to possibly die just for you to come. Honest.”

Hiroki felt a pang of guilt as he crouched down to Kazuki’s level. “It’s okay. We weren’t really fighting. We just care about you a lot.”

“I know.”


	23. 22. Things You Said After it was Over

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kind of feel like this was cheating, but hey, it still meets the prompt.

Kazuki set the last box down in the moving vehicle with a bittersweet smile. He wiped some sweat that had accumulated from the heavy lifting off his brow. “That’s the last of it,” he said.

“Looks like it,” Nowaki agreed with an obvious sadness in his voice. He clamped a hand on the young man’s shoulder.

“I’ll be okay, Dad. I promise.” Then he let the driver know that he could leave first. “Otou-chan, I’m ready to leave!” he called out toward the apartment.

Hiroki came running down the steps so fast he nearly fell. He played it off with a deep scowl. “You better study hard now, you hear?”

“Of course, Otou-chan.”

“And, um, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” Nowaki chuckled which caused Hiroki to narrow his eyes at him. “What’s that about?”

“Just, do you mean what you would do now or ever? Because I remember you telling me some wild stories about your past.”

“Oi, shut up in front of the kid. Last time I drink in front of you.”

Nowaki just chuckled again before giving him a peck on the lips.

Kazuki cleared his throat. “This is nice and all, but I really need to be heading off.”

Hiroki’s face soften as he could no longer hold back his growing sadness. “Come here, son.”

Kazuki did so, and they hugged for a full minute. Hiroki could feel his eyes tingling, but he refused to cry in front of him. He needed to be the strong parent, after all.

But Kazuki knew him well enough to tell that he was holding back. “I love you, too, Otou-chan,” he said with a smile. Turning so that he was facing both his fathers, he continued. “I’ll contact you at least once a week and visit at least every month, okay? Stop worrying so much, I’ll only be two hours away by bullet train.”

“We know,” Nowaki explained, “it’s just, we’re your parents. Of course we’re going to worry.”

“I know. But you have to let me go.”

“Yeah,” Hiroki said.

With a wave and a smile, Kazuki climbed on his bicycle. His parents waved back, continuing even once his back was turned so that he surely couldn’t see them. That didn’t matter.

Nowaki tugged Hiroki into a hug as Hiroki let the tears begin to flow.

“It’s okay, Hiro-san. This is what we were preparing him for.”

“I know. It’s just, I’m gonna miss him.”

“Of course, Hiro-san. But you still have me, you know?”

“I know.” Hiroki smiled, through his tears.


End file.
